The Mommy Moment

I've been planning to write this post for awhile but of course mommy life delays occurred.  One of them being Elizabeth's 2nd birthday party.  Oh well. 

So I want to begin by admitting that I never really felt like "a mommy".   When I was pregnant, I just felt like me but pregnant.  When I gave birth and then held this tiny precious baby; I just felt like me holding a baby. I've even had a lady at work ask me if I had any baby wipes because she knows that I have a small child and she thought I'd have some in my purse.  But of course I didn't.  I didn't even up-grade to a bigger purse for the longest time.  I kept a purse that I used day to day for work and then when I went anywhere with the baby I'd take her diaper bag too. 

Don't get me wrong; I mean I've felt like "Mommy" when Elizabeth's pulling on my leg yelling it over and over while I did the dishes but I didn't feel like a mommy...that is until I had the mommy moment. 

It came when I was at work one day last month.  I get to my desk and I open my purse to get something out and what did I find, actually what 2 surprise things did I find... First was her little Dora the Explorer snack trap.  At some point I'd taken it from her diaper bag and put it in my purse then I forgot to take it out.  No big deal; it made a good late afternoon work snack.

But then the second thing I found was the clincher. It was a phone.  Not my cell phone but the actual house phone handset!  Chris had it with him in the front yard while he was raking and when I got home with the baby I picked it up, stuffed it in my purse with the snack trap and took all the bags inside.  Then the regular dinnertime, bath time, bedtime happenings unfolded and I never checked back to take everything out.  Chris even asked me where the phone went that night and I had assumed that Elizabeth took it to play with and it was stuck in the couch cushions.

It was at that moment standing at my desk, when I really felt like, "whoa, I have turned into a real mommy."  I have just experienced the rushed, disorganized, scattered-brained mommy haze that went beyond finding a couple of stray crayons at the bottom of my purse from dinner at a restaurant. 

Wow. I really am a full fledged M-O-M-M-Y.  Now when do I get the eyes in the back of my head?

Short Days and Even Shorter Years

I don't know if it's just the combination of her 2nd birthday coming up, Mother's Day, the birth of my new tiny little nephew, or what it is that's been causing the perfect storm of my emotional Empty Nest Blues but whatever it is has really got me projecting into the future.  It doesn't help that every time the darn Subaru commercial comes on where the dad is talking to the little girl version of his daughter as she prepares to drive on her own, my parental angst is fueled. How do people with older school age children do it?  How do the parents sending their kids off to college do it?  How did my own parents do it sending me off to the Army?  Then to Germany?  

I look at Elizabeth today and it already feels like its been too fast.  When did she learn to put her own shoes on?  And on the right feet never the less?!  She's brushing her own teeth and even spitting the water out now.  She's picking words so fast we can't even keep track.  My mom, dad, and husband have all asked, "Did you teach her to say that?"  And we are all surprised that none of us specifically taught it to her but she just picked it up.  Like a sponge they say but it's mind blowing when you see it day by day.  She's probably saying 3-7 new words a day if we could actually keep notice.  Last week she was saying white tail deer after watching Diego. Then it was Owl, next day it was Giraffe, then Friday she was saying shrimp and Slinky.  Saturday she was saying circle, square, and triangle.  Sunday she was saying Dillon, the name of her little friend that came over to play. Today it was "cow neuw" (sticky rice in Thai) and Umi Zoomi after the TV show (I admit we aren't one of those no TV for the baby kind of families. But she's really learn a lot from her programs and it shows).  

It starts with the talking then next she'll be driving away in the Subaru.  I'm not ready!!!  I don't think I'll ever be ready.  She's my baby and while I'm proud that she's learning to do all these things herself (I don't think I'll be sad to see her use the potty by herself though) it hastens her that much closer to not wanting the snuggles or tickles.  To some day going in her room and just shutting the door behind her.  I put her folded clothes away in her dresser and saw things that don't fit her anymore and had to take them out for the 'to be put way' bag and I can't believe that I just did that with a bunch of stuff a few months ago.  This sounds bad but I look at other people with kids older than Elizabeth and think, "Man, that sucks.  I don't want my baby getting that big some day."  

Alas, the relentless march of time will forever push on, no matter how much we hate for it to.  Usually, people feel that way about themselves aging but I wish my Elizababy could stay just that.  This is the perfect age is what I've been told recently.  So then how do I freeze time? Or slow it down?  How do I make these days, these frustrating, amazing, funny, wonderful days last forever?  All I can do is remind myself to enjoy them now to the fullest instead of lament over the future and miss them completely.  Oh, here's to the beautiful Elizababy days, as fleeting as they may be.  

To all the mothers out there that keep going and do their best - you're amazing.  Happy Mother's Day.